What Overcoming Perfectionism Taught Me

The pressure to always appear “okay” is everywhere. Especially if you're the one others look to for strength. Whether you’re a parent, leader, sibling, daughter/son, or friend, it’s easy to fall into the trap of putting on a brave face while hiding what’s really going on underneath.

For years, I wore that mask too. People often see my blog or social media and say, “I had no idea you went through any of this.” And that’s because, on the outside, I looked and seemed fine. I’d show up to work upbeat, smiling the morning after a binge, while struggling so much internally.

It wasn’t solely embarrassment that made me refrain from showing my true emotions; it was this feeling that I was supposed to be an example to those around me. I wanted to be the inspirational personal trainer. The easy child. I wanted my sisters to look up to me and my brothers to see me as strong. I always wanted to be the fun friend. The fit girl. The corky, silly me.

But here’s the thing. I could be all of those things. I could be the fun friend, the fit girl, the corky silly me—and also the one who struggles with depression. The one who cries herself to sleep sometimes. The one whose weight fluctuates so much because of bad weeks of bingeing followed by intense restrictions. 

And as I started to embrace both sides of myself, I learned that vulnerability doesn’t make me weak. I can be strong and still struggle. And letting go of perfection doesn’t make me weak, it makes me human. It makes me free.

In this blog, I want to share what helped me stop chasing the illusion of always being “okay” and how much that shift has transformed my life. 

Hitting the Breaking Point: When Perfectionism Fails You

I’d love to say that I let go of perfectionism as some enlightened choice, but it was more out of necessity. I simply couldn’t hold the facade anymore. You hold it in for so long, and eventually, you start to crumble. 

My breaking points didn’t happen all at once, but they became unavoidable. At first, I only allowed myself to unravel around those closest to me. If I had to wear the mask all day, I needed at least one safe place to take it off.

But as I started to make progress in my recovery from binge eating disorder, I began sharing parts of my story on Instagram. At first, I only posted my wins. But one day, I was crying after what felt like a setback, and I remember thinking, “I’m such a hypocrite. I post about success, but here I am, failing.” 

But then I thought…well, I don’t have to be a hypocrite. I can share my struggles, too. 

So, I did. And the response was overwhelming. The amount of support and kindness I received was unbelievable. No one called me weak. They called me brave. Vulnerable. Inspiring. Beautiful. And in that moment, I realized that so many people are struggling silently. And one person opening up can give others freedom to stop hiding too. 

These “breaking points” actually became massive turning points in my life. They taught me that honesty is beautiful and that there is real power in being seen, exactly as you are. 

Vulnerability in Leadership: Building Trust Through Transparency

Fast forward to today: I live my life with a commitment to transparency. My circumstances have changed, but my values haven’t. And one of the spaces where I’ve seen vulnerability matter most is in leadership.

For the past two years, I’ve led a marketing team. And of course, I’ve had hard days. In the past, I would have hidden them or taken a “sick day” to preserve the illusion. But I made a decision: I wasn’t going to be that kind of leader. 

Instead, I told my team about my ROCD diagnosis. I let them know there might be tough days. On days where I truly need time to process or give myself space, I take the day off—and I’m always honest about it.

There were also days when I showed up but didn’t have the energy to lead with my usual enthusiasm. On those days, I’d simply tell my team, “I’m having a tough one today. I may be quieter, but I’m here if you need me.”

And let me tell you…it changed everything.

My team appreciates my honesty. They feel more comfortable sharing their own challenges. They aren’t afraid to ask for help or take the time they need to recharge.  

Because that’s what makes a great team. We take turns being strong for each other. 

Overcoming Perfectionism to Improve Mental Health

There really is no need to appear perfect. In fact, perfection can block true connections with people. When we show up with authenticity, it opens up a safe space for others to do the same. You actually create a really beautiful space around you when you let go of perfection and embrace all of the messy, but beautiful pieces of yourself that make you real.

Overcoming perfectionism is a very freeing feeling.  I’ve only ever been met with respect and kindness on my hardest days. There is strength in being vulnerable. So be honest. Let it out. Be your unique, messy, imperfect, absolutely beautiful-the-way-you-are self. Because that’s who the world needs most.